Fast forward 4 years: 2009 began with a sabbatical time for both Darrell and I. He took off and requested I ask God three questions, one of them being – ‘Was I going to be pregnant this year?’ While I was away, I woke up to three words: yes, no and not yet. So, I went to the Lord to confirm. Lord, what does the yes mean? He said, “You will be pregnant by April.” I brought this home to Darrell who had asked the same question to find his answer had been, “there will be no baby this year.” Okay, so how could the two come to pass? We determined we would trust God to sort it all out.
Before the end of March I found out I was pregnant. We decided to hold off telling our family until Mother’s Day but the week before the kids could not wait another day, right at 12 weeks pregnant we let everyone know that Baby #6 was on the way. Could this possibly be Ana Grace? The day after we told everyone I began to spot, I called my midwife, then Darrell and I headed in to hear the heartbeat at her office, but they could not find one. We scheduled a sonogram for that afternoon. The sonogram showed an empty sack. I was pregnant, but there was no baby. (To read more of this story go to link – http://wp.me/pt1ER-g )
Fear, shame, doubt, once again entered my heart. It had been 5 years, I had truly missed God. Not only had I missed Him, I now began to doubt not only my ability to hear, but my ability to trust in His grace for me. I felt abandoned and ashamed, as if I was unworthy of Him keeping His Word to me and of His ability to protect me from the harms of life. The next two years would take a toll on our marriage as nothing had before. As I shrank back in fear, my husband hid in his work as we both wondered if God really even cared.
In February of 2011, God asked us to step out in faith and commit to teaching a class for the marriage ministry at our church. Darrell was hesitant to say yes, realizing the state our marriage was in. When I came face to face with where we were and where we were headed it all came to a head ( there will be another blog about this soon.) Darrell and I stopped everything for a week and took a good hard look at our marriage and our family and decided to make our marriage come first, with family right there in the mix. Redemption came in a matter of days, as we both began to bare our hearts, souls and selves to each other and the Lord. Allowing the shame to be exposed and the fears to be brought into the light, God made our marriage into a miracle, a thing movies are made of (the old ones anyway!!) Romance came alive and home once again housed our Paradise!!
Our love affair with each other overflowed from the renewed love relationship we had with our Lord. Forgiveness, health, healing, passion and desire drew us together and cultivated in us the unity that marriage is created for. What would the fruit be that would come from this transformation in our marriage?
By September, I thought I was going through menopause. My cycles were all over the map, my emotions out of control and by October I was beyond exhausted. All symptoms began to point to being pregnant. I was sick, not every morning, but every day, all day. I was taking 2 hour naps, every day, I was telling my husband how to drive (his tell-tale sign I am pregnant) and finally was about ready to cry at every little thing.
Sometime mid-October, God woke me at three in the morning and asked me to begin speak out Psalm 139. I knew what Psalm 139 was, I knew this might not be menopause after all, if I was reading about a baby formed in its mother’s womb, God was up to something!
Read the rest of Ana’s Story http://wp.me/pt1ER-2v
Check out part 3 http://wp.me/pt1ER-3c
Check out part 4 http://wp.me/pt1ER-3m